Tree image

The fragility of the mind...

Tutorial help

After discussing different ideas with my tutor, I am interested in working on different surfaces - mainly reflective/transparent surfaces, e.g mirrors, glass, mosaic, tracing paper etc. Looking at the idea of creating sensory elements for the audience, the work is personal to me but I want the audience to connect with the work and feel as if they are experiencing something of their own. Lost in the unconscious...

I have the idea to work onto mirrored surfaces, covering/painting/morphing the reflective surface but leaving some areas exposed so that a reflection can be seen - seeing through the piece, not sure what is being witnessed, levels/layers etc. I want to work on how I can do this, plan out what I need to do to create this effect - rather than just trying to do everything at once.
Mirror boards...
Visual illusions...
Even looking at projections of photography.
The projection of imagery also draws my attention to lighting when considering an installation.

Surrealism?
Sensory?

After having a confusing time I am planning to explore another area a lot more in my development of work. i want to have a look at my photography a lot more - experiment with different ways to display/present and create an installation with the works. In particular, looking at transparency.

My paintings were interesting and good for letting out emotions in relation to my unconscious but they were not very useful in helping me to communicate with my audience...I do really like the effects they create, the markings and writing is something I really love about them as they are so personal that it makes me truly connect with my work and feel emotions have been purged. However, the pieces are almost too "solid" when trying to portray a level of the unconscious. The unconscious is a separate layer to the mind from the conscious mind and the thick boards seemed to not show such a fragile concept of the unconscious mind's thoughts/ memories and desires. During a group tutorial, the group understood some of the concepts I wanted to put across but these were only on a surface level e.g the writing written in the paint, thickness of the oils, markings/textures etc. All features pointed to an expressive piece but it was not progressive. It didn't show anything new. Maybe it would have been interesting to create smaller ones...however the size was relevant at the time and the pieces are not all lost - they will show their use in time.

I am trying not to feel really bad about my work, I feel like all the pieces I try so hard to do are just all useless. So far most of my paintings have not worked out how i want them to...I wonder whether I am working in the right direction at all. I keep trying to remind myself that it is all a development process but I guess often it just feels like my work is not very good at all or coming to together as anything. I will keep trying, the more I experiment the better it will get...hopefully.

It's all a case of experimentation so if I have progressed more through experimentation then it can only be a real gurd thing :) Just need to catch up on documentation...need to get a new book!

8/11

I mainly spent the day deciding what I wanted to do for my following pieces. I was going to work on my second painting but as the first layers weren't dry yet I decided against it - I wanted them to be more concealed/dry so the texture would still remain when I added more paint to it.
I did some sketchbook work such as working on artist research and updating my notes - also I worked on my Collective Writing book by just adding a few extra pictures, some writing and doing a small amount of stitching. I decided that I did like the idea of using some stitching in my work but I don't want to use it too often - I think a subtle amount will look good but I don't want a book full of threads! I think it looks too cliche' so I will use it sparingly and to sew in images or just to work on fabric a little.

My plan for tomorrow is to create small installations with the fragments of items I have - I want to use my "CD collections" to create a mini piece on the wall. This is just an idea to begin with to get the ball rolling for more pieces. I want to use the following items: bottles (alcohol containers) which I will use both as items and as holders for smaller things, pages from books, natural items, items of clothing. I plan to create small installations/photography pieces using these items - just trying out ideas and compositions. If the pieces don't turn out so well then I will use them as demo pieces and probably include them as photographs in other pieces. I have fabrics that I have dyed that I will use as floor pieces or backgrounds for my installations - also previous paintings that didn't work out as well as I wanted. All pieces will be used as development as the project is about the unconscious then the progress of the work is important to show the stages of my mentality.

07/11

Today I worked on my second large painting - I began with using a bright blue colour straight from the tube (oils). I found this painting to be quite meloncholy even though it was so vibrant the colours I used I associate with solemn feelings and memories. I normally use paint brushes/tools to paint with but this time I found myself wanting to use myself in the painting. I used my hands to smear paint (using latex gloves as the paint stains really badly and also I didn't want fingerprints to show up and ruin the texture). The process of painting with my hands was really strange - it was really enjoyable to do but also I felt repulsed by how the paint rolled over my hands and how it was smeared around the piece. I found it interesting how I had mixed feelings while doing this piece - the expression I wanted to portray with the piece mixed in with the method I was using.
I smeared the blue paint around mainly in swirls around the piece, covering over all the primed service. Once I had created the desired consistency on the surface I let it dry and conceal slightly. Then I used some purple paint and did the same swirled pattern on top but I mixed in some sand particles to create a textured effect. The colours blended slightly so the entire piece became a luminous royal blue - I think this really complimented the other large piece I had done.

Next stages of my practice

For the next few days I have developed an ideal plan (realistically) for what I want to achieve.
Firstly, Painting - I want to develop my next painting tomorrow, even just the first few layers so I can get a feel for the next piece. Plus the painting techniques really help me to get an insight to my unconscious and help me to release my emotions into my work more freely - partially because it's abstract and, of course, expressive.

Installations - I want to have created a few designs by using photographs of my painting(s) and deciding what items I have associations with - this is mainly to get an idea on what I can include for my larger installations.
For the smaller/temporary ones, I want to have a few designed pieces and some practice installations using some of the items I have listed previously. This will be worked on mostly on thursday/friday while I will use tomorrow to collect the items I have at hand but mainly to record what it is I need to make my installations.

Photography - I will review all the pieces I have so far and decide which I can use as independant pieces/ as part of installations and which ones I can scrap (although all failed attempts will still be documented). I want to know by this weekend what pieces to work on next.

Overall so I don't become too overwhelmed - my main focus this week is gathering installation items to make small/practice attempts with and to work on my next painting.
As the installations will be documented the photography will coincide with that and fit in naturally.

06/11

I have started a new large piece, another half sheet of MDF (9mm). I plan to create another oil painting that will become part of a larger piece made up of several large paintings - like surrounding walls.
I decided to begin on another piece as I get very bored working too much on the same pieces. I will use the same technique with my new piece - basically showing an insight to the unconscious by doing an abstract expressive piece. I will probably do a piece using blue tones, although all my pieces seem to begin with blue/purple colours. The colours I use have specific meanings to me - association with emotions/thoughts.

Installation work
I am still deciding on what items to use in my installations. I have an idea to create small/demo installation using containers e.g. fish tanks, ordinary boxes or crates etc. There is still the issue on items to include.
Item ideas -

Natural items such as folige, rocks and interesting dried plants because natural elements have a lot to do with my memories and I associate certain emotions with the natural world (partly to do with my childhood and beliefs).

CDs/CD inserts because I have a lot of connections in my unconscious with music/ association with songs as these remind me acutely of memories and certain feelings. Sometimes the exact association is unclear but I have particular emotions or thoughts/imagination that occur when I listen to certain songs.

Books/pages because I do a lot of creative written works and I have connections with certain texts.

Items from particular memories because obviously these have connections with my unconscious.

Imagined association this would be items/mini sculptures that I imagine when I have certain feelings.

Photography this will be particularly important as visual items (especially non-obvious imagery) expressing things I feel but in a more illustrative way when compared to the abstract paintings. Also I am considering projecting certain images onto the paintings or the space near them.

Fabrics because I first began with the ideas of using fabric - mainly because of the association I pin on it to do with the unconscious. The idea that the unconscious and conscious are very close but still divided in a sense - by a kind of veil. The veil represents thelink between the two mental states and how easy it is to switch between the two, e.g. when day dreaming. Plus this also links in with my collected dreams because of the layers of dreams/layers of fabric.

 That's all I can think of for now.



 

Week 29/10 - 02/11/ Developing my practice

This week I have been developing my large painting - I worked on it all week to get it just how I wanted it which took forever! I'm not entirely sure if it is finished yet but I am happy with the result for now - I reached a natural stopping point.
I used a technique where I just let myself paint without thinking using large quantities of thick oil paint. I like using oil paint because it's thick consistancy lets me make a mess and experiment with different textures and patterns I can make. Also the fact that it dries slowly if something I find useful for my practice - I like creating mixtures of colours within each layer byletting the colours blend together as well as layering on thickly some tones that I want to show up more vividly. I generally love the texture of the oils and I think this is important for my project as it's all about expressing what I feel inside and within my Unconscious - this way I am comfortable with the medium and enjoying the process thus making it easier to communicate my emotions through art.

I had worked into the painting the previous week to get some base tones for my work - I had first begun with dark/cold colours such as blues and purples. I felt these colours communicated how I felt as I picked them to express particular feelings and thoughts I was experiencing at the time, e.g. the blue tones always feel very meloncholic to me. As I had previously used the oils on the board they had half dried/concealed - this was perfect for building the layers as I could work over the top of them and create a sense of levels of the unconscious with colours as well as being able to blend certain areas where the paint was only partially dry. As I worked on my piece I let my natural responses take over and decide what tones/textures to develop next - it was an exhausting process both mentality and physically!

When I had worked on the colours enough I decided to work on the textures more. The direction of the brush strokes was important to express the array of emotions - but I tried not to think too much about the process and let the piece come together naturally. When I tried to control the process too much I found certain elements ended up becoming less successful and these sections would have to be developed again.
This progress linked in with the idea of the Stream of Consciousness or Free Association Writing theory - a Freudian theory as well as well known element of expression and insight to the psyche - basically this outlines how by allowing one's self to write without thinking it will eventually show an insight to their unconscious and things that possibly the person may not have realised they felt. My painting process touches on this theory - replacing writing with painting. Although I do the writing also as an artist - which is why I decided to include elements of the written word in my practice. I am interested in how the two art forms can be combined in different ways to express a sense of my unconscious. My writing expresses how I feel in a more structured way than by painting which is why I wish to explore ways of linking them together - in particular using fragments of writing in my word.
My first idea was to explore projecting writing onto painting - an idea I will still look into - but after my tutorial at the beginning of the week my tutor suggested that I try writing into the paint. I wasn't keen on the idea at all but I thought I'd experiment. I began by choosing fragments of my writing to carve into the layers of paint - suprisingly it worked very successfully. Mainly because the writing was crudely carved and half unrecognisable - this showed a sense of the hidden unconscious and how it appears to be the more secretative part of the brain. I carved in more fragments of writing - all linking to how I felt - structuring them around the piece. I marked the letters using a pencil and a pallet knife and as I carved into the paint it revealed all the different colours and layers beneath the top layers. I also began scraping at the top layers of paint to show through other layers beneath to mix in with the carved lettering. Once I was satisfied with the markings I left the painting to dry for a day so it would conceal again and then I used a smaller amount of oil paint to go over the surface to bring out certain areas and highlight the words. I also mixed in a bit of sand with the paint so that the top layer would dry with a texture - this was also to formate the idea of the top layer of the unconscious being the closest to the conscious mind and the thickest "barrier."
I am pleased with the progress and I plan to create more pieces using these techniques. I want to create a sense of "walls" with my paintings and then create a form of installation inside the space that will be framed by the large paintings. I also have the idea of using small items/fragments of items in my paintings to make them "3D paintings." These items would be ones used for my installations or similar to them.



Installation

 I still am unsure about what items to include in my installations - I am working on including CDs that I have bought as blank copies which I am in the process of burning particular songs onto them that have some effect on me - that conjure feelings and emotions in relation to my unconscious, e.g. sometimes I am unsure of why they have an effect on me, some sort of association etc. I plan to use these to create an installation - one which will be tempory and photographed for documentation and possibly one for a more permenant piece that will be linking to my final collective of work.
I am also working on a book of collective written works which will be included in the final installation collection - I want the book to used as a contextual and visual piece. The book will be an insight to my unconscious and show where my ideas have come from as well being a piece of art itself. I will have the book propped open - I have an idea of using some form of miniature sculpture to hold the piece open so the writing can be viewed and the book can be seen as a piece itself.


Overall I am pleased with the progress of my practice. The next stages will be the development of my installation pieces - beginning with the tempory ones. Also I will be beginning another painting next week - a large one, possibly slightly taller than the last one - which I want to develop more texture on.
 Looking back on my photography pieces that I began at the beginning of the project - I plan to go through the collection again and work on the next pieces I want to take. I will work on the pieces I have and decide whether I will use them as individual pieces or as a combination with some other piece. Some of the photographs have been used for my collective writing book - as illustrative pieces. I want to also work on more photography, looking at it from a more personal level by photographing places that I have connections with and also photographing myself in different ways to express my emotions/thoughts. The set up/locations for the photography will also help me to figure out what to use in my installations. I also have ideas to project the photographs onto the floor or onto pieces of work and the idea of using the print room to produce some pieces onto fabric is also an option for me.